Silly fortune cookie, that's a proverb

As I was getting out of my wife’s car this morning I noticed she saved one of those little piece’s of papers you get from a fortune cookie. It was in the driver’s side door. You know, that little compartment you can only fit a couple gum wrappers and a pen cap in. It said, “Always trust your gut instinct but never believe that it's enough.” This caught my attention because I'm in the middle of making a big decision at work.

There is no doubt that as a leader you’ll have to step up to the plate and make decisions, hopefully good decisions that keep your organization growing and moving in the right direction. I love my job and I get really excited about the possibility that Jesus is going to use our ministry to change the lives of middle school students. So if you’re like me you cringe at the thought of making a decision that could cause a set back or keep your organization from seeing it’s vision become a reality.

In my job big decisions need to be made on a regular basis. When it comes to my gut instinct the art of collaboration has spared me from making some very unnecessary mistakes. Here are a couple things I learned that could be helpful when pursuing gut instincts in the decision making process.

Collaboration helps communication.

Have you ever been convinced that you have the perfect story to share with a group of people in order for them to understand a specific concept? Then you stand up on stage and you start to tell your story but it sounds nothing like it did in your head and at the part of the story that you thought would be the highlight people just look really confused. I think we all agree that we should have tried to share that story with someone over coffee before we went with our first gut instinct and assumed it would sound great. When you run your ideas by others and talk things out you’re training yourself on how to best communicate what you’re trying to do. Don’t be afraid of others giving you a better illustration, you were just spared from looking like a tool. Never forget that it’s not about you!

Collaboration helps produce a better product.

If you think that a gut feeling is enough to make a decision you could be setting yourself up for failure. If you’re not including the people in the trenches, the ones that make things happen, you miss out on an opportunity to sharpen your ideas and develop a better product.

Collaboration can make your product easier to produce.

When you collaborate people will help you make your ideas become a reality. Just think of all the untapped resources out there. Find the people that are just as passionate about your ideas as you are. Let them help you!

Collaboration gains more support for your product.

When people feel like they are part of making it happen they own it. It’s the difference between renting a house and owning a house. If you want your team to take care of the house like they own it then you should collaborate more often. Rent money disappears but a mortgage is an investment towards ownership. Let the people that care about your ministry/organization just as much as you do give their time and resources towards something they want to invest in. Your organization will thrive with a team of owners! 

I'm only Human

Have you ever heard someone say "I'm only human"? Why is this always a negative response? 

It usually means this....  

• make a mistake... ‘I’m only human’.
• can’t achieve something... “I’m only human”.
• lose control... “I’m only human”.

I believe that as a Christian when I say "I'm only Human". In a condescending way I say "Well... what do you expect, I'm not God". 

As if being God is the most common expectation that people have for you. Like God himself is waiting for you to do his job.

Regardless of your thoughts on humanity we all fall into this mindset. It can feel therapeutic to excuse yourself from high expectations.

I'm not talking about the time you told your wife she gained weight before actually thinking about how she would interpret that. I'm talking about the stuff you know you shouldn't do and therefor play the proverbial "get out of jail free card". I'm only human.  

This phrase is starting to make less sense to me then ever before. There is a difference between sin and humanity. They can be separated. They have been separated. I believe that Jesus came to teach us and display this very fact in his life, death, and resurrection. When it comes to sin why does our humanity get all the blame? Sometimes we can tire of being human. If you're like me you get tired of making mistakes. You get even more exhausted when keep repeating the same mistakes over... and over... and over again.   

It's hard to be human... especially when you don't have a good understanding of what it means to be human. Being human is not an excuse to be sinful. It's a blessing of life that is extremely good! God created it that way and Jesus came to teach us through his humanity, his teachings, and his sacrifice, that being human is not the problem. It's actually the solution.

A new way to be human

Jesus' prayer in the garden shows me that being human means to make sacrifices even when they hurt.

“Abba, Father,” he cried out, “everything is possible for you. Please take this cup of suffering away from me."

Jesus' relationship with God the Father shows me that being human means to trust God and live a life of obedience.

"Yet I want your will to be done, not mine.” 

Jesus giving the Apostles the power to heal people teaches me that being human means to tap into God's immeasurable amount of power and strength.

"For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength."

Jesus sitting on the throne in Heaven means that God places a crown on his perfect relationship with humanity. A relationship only possible by the death and resurrection of his Son, Jesus Christ.

"And the one sitting on the throne said, “Look, I am making everything new!” And then he said to me, “Write this down, for what I tell you is trustworthy and true.” And he also said, “It is finished! I am the Alpha and the Omega—the Beginning and the End. To all who are thirsty I will give freely from the springs of the water of life. All who are victorious will inherit all these blessings, and I will be their God, and they will be my children."

If you find yourself in that place where you think "I'm only human" try exploring the humanity of Jesus Christ. He will show you a road of sacrifice taken by choice. A reality only possible by faith in God. A door that's never closed but full of possibilities. My challenge is that you explore a new way to be human.

Is beauty sleeping?

Beauty is one of those things that everyone has a perspective on but nobody sees it the same way. 


Trying to define beauty can be like trying to put words to a painting. At one level we can ponder a painting and say "wow this painting makes so much sense, the colors and the shading represent a dark or light mood. Look at how unique the tree looks, that has to be because it's not rooted in the right place". Then you think more about it and you wonder if you even came close to what the artist was trying to communicate. In a way you don't mind wondering because it may change the beauty you see in the painting to know the artists perspective.


Beauty always catches the eye but everyone see's it differently.


A simple example of this could be found throughout the history of Greek and Japanese culture.


"Greeks were obsessed with the aesthetics and held beauty above all". Plato was among the philosophers that believed beautiful objects incorporated proportion, harmony, and unity among their parts. 


There is a little bit of Greek in all of us. Maybe you obsess with how your office, car, or house looks. I have a friend that couldn't keep a relationship for more than a few months because they got bothered by one ear being bigger than the other. Why do you think Apple is so popular? We love clean and proportioned aesthetics. Apple owners love that Apple is concerned with being user friendly, and creating a harmonious relationship between all of their products. We love the appearance, the harmony and unity in our beautiful Apple products. The Ancient Greeks would be big Apple supporters.


Beauty catches the eye of the Japanese in a different way than the Greeks. Wabi-Sabi is a term the Japanese use for what they believe is truly beautiful. Wabi-sabi is a very unique characteristic of what the Japanese define as beautiful because it involves roughness and irregularity. According to Wabi-sabi nothing lasts, nothing is finished, and nothing is perfect. This hits home for me when I see a married couple in their 70's barely able to walk looking at each other and admiring the beauty of their lover. This thought reminds me of a Proverb, "Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth." It's foreign to us but we all want to see it this way.


Wabi-sabi is on to something here. There is some truth to the "nothing lasts, nothing is finished, and nothing is perfect" philosophy. I understand this more everyday. I just got married and I will see my wife almost everyday for the rest of my life. I know that her physical looks will change overtime, but I have a hard time believing that her beauty will die with her anatomy.  


The most interesting part about this philosophy is that "nothing is finished".


There is more to life that we can see. What we see around us is a temporary state of what is supposed to be. I also believe that Jesus has come to restore the beauty of creation. He has come to reclaim the blueprint of our existence. You see it in his relationships, experiences, and his beliefs. He know's it's not finished, there is still work to be done. He has a way of looking at the ugly and seeing the beauty despite it's roughness and irregularity.


All things have beauty and in this life all things are not finished. When we can see beauty we can see the originality of creation and how mind blowing it's uniqueness and goodness is.


How do you see beauty in your day to day life? What makes the things around you so attractive?  
    

Here comes the Bride

I'm 11 days away from watching my bride walk down one of the most expensive pieces of fabric I will ever rent. It sounds crazy but I bought an extra toothbrush to keep by my bathroom sink so I could be reminded when I brush my teeth that all the little things I'm used to are about to change. In our first 6 months to a year my knowledge of Molly is going to increase so much more than I can imagine. I'm going to find out things like if she puts her bath towel in the hamper after one use or hangs it up in the bathroom for multiple uses like me. Over the years I will learn all of her idiosyncrasies and she will learn all of mine. I have no idea what's going to happen but I'm so excited because I'm not afraid. The changes I'm going to go through are going to be worth it because she means that much to me and she means even more to Jesus. So no matter how difficult some of our struggles may be we have hope and we believe in God's plan for our lives.

Unfortunately, Molly (my fiance) and I, like most people, have had a rough journey through life. We both come from homes built on a foundation of fear. We both stumbled through life by making multiple bad decisions, following our misguided emotions and for us hope was that dream you have a hard time remembering when you wake up. Eventually we hit the ground so hard there was nowhere else to look but up. We started following Jesus in our later teen years. I was 17 in 2003 and she was 19 in 2007. Before we were Christians we never thought we would be getting married. Jesus changed our perspective on love and through the Holy Spirit we understood the true meaning of our existence. To be loved and to love others. My life experiences and my relationship with Jesus have taught me that marriage is about loving your wife like Christ loves the church.

Our scars remind us of the journey that brought us both to this point. Our goal is that our marriage will continue to represent how Jesus takes something broken and makes it into something beautiful. The thing that makes us feel most loved is God's endless and unconditional pursuit for our hearts. Not having money, loosing jobs, physical illness, and even death is no longer something to be afraid of. We know that our home is not going to be built on the conditions our world puts on us. It will be built on the unfailing love of Jesus Christ.


1 John 4:16-19

"We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love.

   God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world.

Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. We love each other because he loved us first."

Exclusivity kills the gospel

If you’re a parent of students in middle school then you can relate to the man that just left my office. He came through my door burdened and upset because of something that was happening with his 12-year-old daughter at church. This man has a story that would blow you away. Once chained down by addiction and anger but now free to obey the gospel of love and grace. He didn't look like your typical church goer. He was covered in tattoos, piercings, and sporting a “TAPOUT” shirt. Honestly, I get more uncomfortable around guys dressed in suits and ties so I felt at home with him.

He was upset because his daughter told him that other students bully her on Sunday morning. One recent incident was that she tried to sit next to some girls and they told her she couldn’t sit with them because they were saving that seat for someone else. So she got up and as time passed by no one else came to sit in the empty seat that she was sitting in.

She begs her dad to go to the main church gathering with him so she doesn’t have to go to our middle school gathering. She even used the word hate when she described her feelings toward our ministry. This father was broken hearted because his daughter hates the church that he loves so much. Our community is the community that God resourced to help shape him into a new man. What parent wouldn’t want that same thing for their daughter?

I’m the middle school director at my church and I talk with parents on a regular basis about the challenges that come with raising tweens. Parenting a middle school student can be very difficult. Most of the time parents just need to be encouraged and reminded of the changes that take place during the middle school years. I really enjoy my job and I get to have a lot of fun with my students. Along with the high energy and crazy amounts of fun comes an extreme amount of responsibility. It’s crucial that I work hard at creating a safe environment for these students to grow in their relationship with Jesus.

Here are some tips to help students who feel excluded from your ministry.

Make a personal connection

If I can make a personal connection with a student and let them know I value our relationship the student is more likely to stick around. It also shows the other students that are watching that this specific student is valuable to me. Most students don’t ignore each other on purpose they just get uncomfortable around people they don’t know. When they see me connect with this student it will seem much less intimidating for them to connect without me around.

Encourage a peer connection

When we can connect students to other students in a way that builds a friendship then we have just braved one of the biggest battles in middle school ministry. Most students have established their friend group as a safety net or they have very few to no friends. Creating an environment in which peers can connect with new students on a regular basis and feel safe enough to not be judged by their regular friend group is a huge win in middle school ministry. Exclusivity will prevent the gospel from being experienced in our ministries. The more inclusive our students can be the better.

Cast the vision to your students and leaders

Always keep the mission in front of the students and leaders. Live it, breath it, plant the seeds and keep watering them, because the vision will fade if you don’t. The more you model it for your team and your students the more they will buy into it. One thing that no one can ever argue with is results. Do you believe that the vision you preach is important? Then prove it. Do you believe it will bring results? Then let the results speak to them. Be the change that you wish to see. If people aren't telling you that you talk about it too much then you don't talk about it enough.

Parents: It’s OK to give them time away

This particular student wanted to attend the main gathering with her father. Sometimes students just need time to process and be in a place where they feel safe. It’s not with us right now but the reality is that a loving parent is always the best spiritual leader for a student. This is an awesome opportunity for the parents to connect with their students and show them they’re not uncomfortable spending time together in an adult setting. The best youth pastors in the world can’t out impact a parent.  Regardless if they want to go to church or not we should be firm with what we think is best and give them time to process things.

Tell me who you really are

I recently had breakfast with someone I’m trying to build a strong relationship with. We’re very different and we have very different stories. The way that he lives his life is different than they way I live mine. His choices are made based off of different priorities than mine. He tells me that I’m doing things in the wrong way all the time. When he says things like “I know what that’s like” or “trust me I have been there”, he never tells me a story about it. I'm usually leaving these conversations guessing how it went.

On the flipside I had an amazing conversation with a pastor a couple weeks ago. We talked about our life stories and what makes us so passionate about ministry. It was encouraging to talk with someone who shared the same heartbeat as I do. His eyes watered up after sharing how the grace of Jesus changed his life forever. We were very vulnerable with each other. I felt like I could really trust him.

What are your conversations with Jesus like? Trust can be the biggest hindrance for us when it comes to experiencing the fullness of life that Jesus promises. Can Jesus be trusted? If you haven’t given him the chance to tell you his story then you may never know. Here are a couple things I have learned from my conversations with Jesus.

Conversation with Jesus helps build trust because he has experienced everything we have. No matter how much your heart has been broken his has been broken more. Whatever the degree of temptation or severity of brokenness you are dealing with, even in the face of innocence, Jesus has been there. Jesus has enough personal experiences that he could intimately connect with every person that ever lived. Jesus has a story that can change your life forever.

Conversation with Jesus helps build trust because Jesus knows everything about us. Because he knows everything about us he has the ability to speak to our hearts in the darkest places. It’s easy to think that someone as Holy as Jesus would never want to be around someone as twisted and messed up as you. By the way you’re welcome for the confidence boost. Prayer will change you because it proves that Jesus’ love is unconditional. Jesus knowing everything about you is a good thing and it draws you closer to him. It never pushes you further away from him.

Be honest with God and let His love bring you back to life.

All the other kids with the pumped up kicks

“What were you thinking” was a response I was very familiar with. I’ve had so many “what were you thinking” moments it would be impossible to count them.

When I was in elementary school my family lived in an apartment. I can’t remember why but I was home alone. To make a long story short, while I was home alone, I started my training to become the fifth ninja turtle. One of my training drills was to master the art of throwing a Chinese star. There was only one problem. I was fresh out of Chinese stars. So I grabbed the next best thing, a sharp pair of scissors. My objective was to hit a couch pillow in the living room while standing in the kitchen. Due to the handicap of having scissors instead of Chinese stars my imaginary Sensei let me move closer to the pillow.

I had a solid 20 minutes of practice before the thought of consequences had crossed my mind. So I flipped the pillow over to hide the evidence but it wasn’t long before I was busted. I can still hear my mom say, “Danny, what were you thinking”. To tell you the truth I wasn’t. I was also a 4^th grader at home alone. Mom, what were YOU thinking?

Anyway... It was actually a news article that inspired me to write this. Click here to see it.

At a local shopping mall in Lithonia, Georgia hundreds of people were waiting in line for hours to be owners of the newest pair of Nike retro Air Jordan’s. The “Nike Air Jordan Concords” were selling for $180. Only a limited number get sent to each store so if they run out then you wont get a pair. Police were there at 4am to keep the crowd under control. The morning resulted in a busted mall door and the police making several arrests. One of them was a young mother of two children who left her 5 and 2 year old in the car while she waited in line.

The same question has to be scrolling through all of our minds.

“What were you thinking”?

There is something very wrong when shoes are valued over our children.


  

My last message

Tonight I gave my last message as the middle school director for BranchCreek Community Church. Preparing for this message was easy because I had so much I wanted to say. Let me rephrase that, so much still needed to be said.

I now realize that those lessons will no longer be shared by me. I knew this was coming. Isn't this what it should feel like?I thought to myself "but I'm not done." I will never be done. Sharing the truth about Jesus with middle schoolers has become an absolute joy for me. I have repeated the statement "I can't see myself doing anything else" so many times in the last year because I mean it. No matter where I am I will be sharing the good news of Jesus with middle school students.

I have never thought of myself as a great teacher and I still don't. I mean, I really don't. Because I'm not one. So to my surprise, my small group leaders, who have been listening to me teach for the past year and a half, tell me that they are really going to miss my teaching. They said that I really bring the message in a way that helps them talk about the "BIG IDEA" in small groups. 

I really appreciated the flattering comments but I had to assure them that my teaching skills had nothing to do with it. All I do is relay His message through how he changes my life, step by step, everyday. I assured them that whoever comes after me will be different and probably better than me. As long as he brings the good news with him. His good news is all that matters and if I leave my leaders and students with my messages and not His message I have failed as a teacher.

Don't get me wrong I think teaching is extremely important and I work hard at getting better. As should everyone in anything they do in life. But what really keeps the students engaged in the "BIG IDEA" of a lesson is that adults are investing the time to talk to them about it. In my eyes, small group leaders will always be the most important piece to student ministry. The words I share don't mean anything until my small group leaders breath life into them by the way they care for their students.

A direct quote from Barb Malanga (7th grade girls small group leader) "I don't give up my Tuesday night to just talk about nail colors and hair. I give up my Tuesday night to share the love of Jesus with my girls. I love them that much."

I was blessed with some amazing small group leaders this year and I have full confidence that Jesus will do greater things through them when I go.

Moved with compassion

This morning at church an 8^th grade girl came up to me while I was playing a game of pool. She asked me if I could talk to her when I had a chance. I took that very seriously because in the middle school world they never ask. They just talk. At least after they warm up to you. Parents would be embarrassed if they knew what their tweens have disclosed to me in random conversations. But this student asked first. This was her way of telling me that she has something very important to discuss. I got the vibe that she didn’t want to make it seem obvious to the other students. So I finished my game of pool and I went directly downstairs to her usual hangout spot in the computer room.

I pulled up a chair next to “Tanya” (not her real name) and she started to tell me about a friend of hers. Her friend always gets harassed at school for being overweight. Other kids call her names and draw mean pictures of her on the inside of their textbooks. She told me that her friend would cry when they would talk about it. Tanya had this look in her eye like she was about to tear up just telling me about it. So then came a question youth pastors dream about hearing a student ask. She asked me what Jesus wanted her to do to help her friend understand how much He loves her. WOW, now that’s a major win in middle school ministry. I had been rehearsing this conversation for years. While prepping for messages, during small groups, and while planning for every service project my hope is that students would start to ask this question “What does Jesus want me to do about this”. So let me share how I navigated this conversation with Tanya and hopefully when you are having these types of conversations this will come in handy. 

Affirmation is key. Students at this age are just starting to take compassion to the next level. Most of the time compassion is experienced but it’s never lead to action. All parents and youth workers need to start identifying these moments in our student’s lives. It actually starts earlier than middle school but we have a hard time noticing because they can’t articulate it that well at all. Compassion is shrugged off to an extent. Sometimes kids cry because of compassion and we don’t even know it because we are not tuned in to their hearts enough. During the middle school years you can really tell who has been encouraged to be compassionate and who has been conditioned to think it’s weak. So the first thing I did was affirm her compassionate heart as something Jesus is very, very, pleased with. It may make her sad, just like it does me, but it’s a very good thing to feel for those in pain. Always affirm your students and identify the Spirit’s work in their lives no matter how big or small.

Celebrate. After I told her how she felt was normal and good I said thank you. I told her the truth. Most students Tanya’s age don’t understand compassion because it makes them sad and they think that’s weak. Remind students that compassion is essential for following Jesus. I thanked her for being brave enough to ask me what Jesus wants her to do.

The challenge to follow Jesus. These conversations are cool because students actually care about what you’re going to tell them. Always challenge them to keep working out what Jesus has put on their hearts. For example, I shared a few different ways Tanya could respond to her friend. I also shared some information on “verbal bullying” which students, and unfortunately teachers, tend to look over in school because it appears that nobody is really getting hurt. I crushed that lie as soon as I could. Always challenge them to keep following Jesus, whatever the cost, because it's the only way to really meet the deepest needs of those around us. 

No jargon please. At this point in the conversation you have to trust the Holy Spirit to give you the right words to say. Make sure you give them advice they can put into practice and not youth pastor jargon. "Pray about it" is probably only valid 25% of the time we use it. Put your 20-40 hours a week of prayer, study, planning, training, and understanding teens to good use. Ok, so I know we can’t realistically put ALL of our time there but you know what I mean.

Anyway, I love watching these God moments unfold before my eyes. I hope this is helpful to you and that you enjoyed reading my blog. Please help me by continuing the conversation on middle school ministry by leaving comments below. Thanks!

Where I will be in January

If you would like to know what church I'm transitioning to in January you can check out the website here.

This video is also a cool way to get to know Living Word. It spoke to my heart and I hope it will encourage you as well.

Cardboard Testimonies - November 2011 from Living Word Community Church on Vimeo.

This is what Living Word is all about. Just in case you didn't feel like checking out the website I copy and pasted the mission statement for you. Molly and I are really excited for our future there. :)

OUR MISSION: Living Word is a grace-filled community where the messiness of life, the message of hope,  and the beauty of Jesus converge.